Happily married couples: Advice on REAL romance (writing) again?

I'm writing a ';Dr Horrible'; fanfiction-story, you see, with romance. The horrible dilemma is that, having no significantly romantic experiences of my own, I have no idea if what I am writing is possible/probable (within the supervillain-genre ';absurdity';, of course) or if it's just a product of Hollywood's dramatic ideal. The relationship started with the two on opposing sides, with one a bit judgmental and irritated feelings toward the other, which might just be unlikely in the first place; I really don't know. By this time, though, they've warmed up to each other enough to recognize their feelings. This is the first kissing scene. It occurs immediately after the female finds out that the male is not dead. No matter if it's cliche-- it's what you do with the idea, I believe; there is nothing new under the sun. So, please, any advice?





Characters in this scene--


Tie Die: Supervillainess, female lead


Dr. Horrible: Supervillain, male lead


Moist: Dr. Horrible's sidekick:





“Don’t—ever—do—that—again!” she shouted as she squeezed the living guts out of Horrible. By about the time that his face turned purple, she let her arms hang loose and her sobbing body fell limply into the stunned doctor’s hands. He stood stiffly for a moment, and then struggled to lift her up, managing to get her head onto his shoulders as her arms wrapped loosely around him.





Finally she pushed herself up to see his face. It was smudged with something dark and his goggles were pushed up, exposing his tired eyes. She didn’t hesitate to dive forward, smashing her lips on his own that were slightly opened in surprise.





He squirmed for a minute, stunned almost as much as Tie Die herself, who grasped his shoulders for stability as she leaned forward.





He tasted like chocolate chip cookie.





Abruptly she broke the kiss, turning her body away from him and to the upturned lab. She heard Horrible attempt to formulate syllables. “Not a word.” She paused. “You startled me, that’s all.” Another pause. She spun around, putting her hands on her hips. “All right, now, we’re going to get this place cleaned up. I don’t care if you are a mad scientist; this place is hardly even livable.”





Horrible stammered and slowly raised a glove to his lips, halfway pursing them then stopping. He lowered his arm. “Right, right. I’ve—been working too hard on the inventions—never fixed anything after the sacking, other than the furniture--”





Tie Die sighed and bent down to her knees to pick up some of the diagrams spread out on the floor. She noticed her arm was shaking. Suddenly she felt a warm body press against her back, and Billy’s lab-coat-covered arms wrapped around her belly.





“I missed you, too,” he whispered.





Her immediate reaction would have been to swing around and hit him, but she stopped herself before she had a chance. She didn’t move, although she found her muscles relaxing as she leaned back into him and just… was.





They both stayed there for a minute or two, feeling the other’s presence somehow more appreciatively than Tie Die had thought possible.





Just then, she heard the door open.





Jumping out of Billy’s arm, she spun around and saw the man she recognized as Moist, sans the fake mustache and holding a gallon of milk.





Moist had stopped short when he saw Horrible and Tie Die curled up together. He stared for a moment, perspiring, then glanced back out the door. “Um, do you want me to bring the milk in later? ‘Cause, you know, if you two want some privacy…”





Horrible scrambled up as Tie Die fumbled for words.





“I, we, she, no! I mean, that’s okay, Moist, we were just… cleaning up,” Horrible stuttered.





Moist rubbed his arm. “Really? It didn’t look like--”





“No, we were cleaning up,” Tie Die said firmly.








---





Once again, I doubt that anyone read the entire thing. I am not looking for blind compliments-- I want to know if this scene works. Also, bear in mind that this is NOT a PG-13 or higher story. This is as graphic as it will get.





Thank you!Happily married couples: Advice on REAL romance (writing) again?
Honest opinion? Not spicey enough. Get some action going.Happily married couples: Advice on REAL romance (writing) again?
Wow. I am sure I wouldn't get any royalties but here goes. Cut your losses. It is a horrible read.
I know you were really looking for Happy married couples..and im only 15...But i think the scene works great, i didnt understand the beginning part though when shes choking him, and then all of a sudden there making out...I thought that may have a little bit of a ';hollywood romance'; story feel to it. But if this was ever published i think it would be a delightful romance story to read, i dont think the rest of it had the ';Hollywood'; feel to it, very much real...besides the names xD but that probably has to do with the story more. Hopefully i helped...even if im not married...but i am in a relationship?? Though to adults 15 yearolds are more like puppy love...but whatever :) Im writing a story right now too, and it is hard not to do that ';hollywood'; feel.





Goodluck on the rest :)