This is a very, very rough copy. I hate the beginning so please any suggestions! Also, how do you like the story line, style of writing, etc.
Turn off alarm clock. Get out of bed. Take a shower. Brush my teeth. Put clothes on. Fix up hair. Put on makeup. Eat breakfast. Grab my bag. Drive to school. Let the day begin. This was my usual start of day, but not today. Not Friday, November 14.
“Ring, ring. Ring, ring.”
I slam my hand on my alarm clock.
“Ring, ring. Ring, ring.”
Once again, I hit the off button on my alarm clock, but the sound continues.
“Hello?”
Ah, yes, the telephone. I slowly ease my head onto my pillow, only to jerk my head back up. Thoughts flooded through my head. Why is it dark outside? Why is my alarm clock shining on my face, reading 4:17a.m? And why do I hear a loud clash, slam of a door, and rapid footsteps coming down my hallway? I quickly realize something is not right. In fact, something is very, very wrong. I jump out of bed and hear my mother coming into my room.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Sit down, sweetie,” she told me.
I obeyed and slumped onto my bed, remembering how tired I was.
“Amy, Hailey’s mother, just called,” she said in a quite tone. “Hailey was driving to the grocery store to pick up some Aspirin when…” my mother paused.
Oh God, no, please no, I thought to myself. I knew what was coming.
“A drunk driver slammed into her car, and killed her,” she said softly.
My mind was spinning, my stomach twisting. I wasn’t like normal girls, who would burst out crying in their mother’s arms. I just sat there with shock, staring at the chocolate stain on my carpet. By now, my mother knew to just leave me, and let everything soak in. She quietly left the room. So there I was, 4:20 in the morning, darkness all around, a chocolate stain on my floor, sitting on my bed, and silently crying into my pillow.
My friendship with Hailey wasn’t the typical ‘friends since birth’ kind of thing. She had moved into a house at the end of my street in the 7th grade. We didn’t actually exchange words, until we had a leadership class together our freshman year. But, I always remember seeing her playing outside almost every night. She would play with anyone, her dad, mom, brother, sister, friends, neighbors-anyone. I used to think how amazing life must be when you were pretty, outgoing, and athletic.
She had honey-blonde hair, that would shine perfectly in the sunlight. Her wavy hair, looked as if she went to the beach every night and woke up with the perfect beachy waves. She had hazel eyes, with faded freckles on her nose and cheeks.
I am different from Hailey, much different. I have brown curly hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. Hailey was always friendly and nice. I’m always sarcastic and not really shy, but not really outgoing. I’ve always had my weird quirks about me, and I’ve always been opinionated. But as different as Hailey and I were, we just clicked.
Hailey was my best friend, even though I only knew her for 3 years. We would spend the whole summer with each other, doing anything. We would play volleyball in her lawn, eat popsicles on my porch, drive around town, and talk about boys while painting each others nails on her bed. When we were together, nothing could bring us down.
When I walked in, I instantly felt the awkwardness. People shuffled from place to place in conservative black dresses. I saw pictures of Hailey everywhere, surrounded by cards and flowers. Some of Hailey’s friends from volleyball were in a corner talking in hushed tones. I took a seat in a pew with an elderly couple at the end. Hailey would have hated being there as much as I was.
In the middle of the sermon, I heard a loud crack of thunder, followed by a rushing down pour. I glanced down in my purse, realizing I had no umbrella. This should be great, I thought. The sermon ended, but the rain continued. I waited until everyone left, to get my last glimpse of Hailey. I walked to the open door, taking in the sweet smell of rain. As I started out the door, I felt a warm pull on my wrist. I whipped my head around to see a guy with dirty blonde hair staring back at me.
“Excuse me,” I said in an irritated tone.
“Sorry, I just thought you might want to use this,” he said as he offered his umbrella.
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I will do just fine,” I said.
“Well, I don’t think so. You know, I heard that if a pretty girl steps out in the rain, there is a possibility that she might start melting. So, in that case, I will escort you to your car,” He said in a playful tone.
How cute, I thought, sarcastically. He popped his umbrella open, held me by the waist, and asked me where my car was. I pointed to a red slug bug, and we walked on towards it.
“Thanks,” I said in a tight voice. I wasn’t in the mood.
“You are most certainly welcome,” He said, as he started off to his own car.
I got into my car. “Verrrrrrrrr,” my car had trouble starting lately. I tried againNeed advice on how to make the beginning better of my teenage romance novel?
i think its pretty good the way it is, but more i would like to see a little bit more of a hook. and the death thing isnt normally a good intro for a 'romance' novel, so id rethink that. but i really like your imagery and last section.Need advice on how to make the beginning better of my teenage romance novel?
Might want to study up on a few books and touch up on your use of words and adjectives....
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